


Hearts Like Clockwork

by libraryseraph



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Autism, Coming Out, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Internalized Homophobia, Pre-Retcon Canon, Sexuality Crisis, internalized ableism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-04
Updated: 2015-06-03
Packaged: 2018-04-02 18:50:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4070725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/libraryseraph/pseuds/libraryseraph
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A chance meeting brings Luxanna and Orianna together. They understand each other in a way the world has always kept from them. However, Lux carries turmoil within herself. Will Orianna understand and accept it? And more importantly, can she understand and accept herself?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hearts Like Clockwork

"I am sorry I killed you." The girl's voice sounded like a music box, if music boxes could talk. Lux looked up from her book. The figure in front of her was gleaming in the sunlight from the windows, her delicate form belying her metallic nature. A floating sphere orbited her erratically, like a bee hovering over a flower.   
"Orianna, right?" The question was a meaningless formality. Lux was sure there was only one girl like this in the league. Orianna inclined her head in assent.   
"Do you forgive me?" the ball nudged against Orianna's side. "No, wait. It was The Ball. Do you forgive the Ball?"  
"Yes, but..." Lux shook her head. "You don't need to apologize for that. It was just a match."  
"Yes, but I should apologize when I do things that are impolite. I believe killing someone is impolite." Orianna's arms twisted around at impossible angles to crank the key protruding from her back.   
"Well then, I accept your apology... And the Ball's apology."  
Orianna stroked the Ball gently. "Thank you. I am pleased to hear that from you." She turned sharply and strode away, the ball following her. Lux let out a breath. The sudden conversation with a stranger had drained her, and she decided to continue reading in her room.   
As she left the room, she saw Orianna again. Orianna was standing facing one of the plain white walls, gesturing abstractly while the ball vibrated in place above her head. She seemed completely engrossed in whatever it was she saw, seemingly ignorant to the world around her.

Lux could feel the currents of a new obsession flowing through her veins. Once, before the army, before the league, she had seen a travelling display of Piltoverian hextech at the academy. There has been stacks of round metal coils, crackling with lighting until it sprung from them in arcs. That was how Lux felt now, full of baseless excitement and directionless energy. The Institute of War's library was huge, and Lux took every book on hextech and clockmaturgy she could find. Understanding was difficult. The magic made sense to her. All she had to do was see the effects of a spell described, and she immediately understood what it was. She could see the careful balancing act between picking spells which provided more power, and spells which reduced wear and tear on the metal. The technology didn't make sense to her. She understood it worked, but she didn't understand why. She wouldn't understand Orianna this way. Any science that could create something like Orianna would be too complex for her. Lux hated not knowing things, and knowing she couldn't understand them was even worse. She drummed her heels against the floor, and sighed. She could just ask Orianna, but she was pretty sure that casually asking someone how they worked was frowned upon. She stood up, and gathered the books to return them to the shelves. People just left books anywhere they wanted, even here. Never mind the enforcing of order or anything. She was reshelving Professor Artin Greave's Vital Advancement in Clockmaturgy by Prof. Artin Greave when it occurred to her.   
"Of course!" her voice echoed too much, and she bit her tongue. The library would have documentation on every League champion. If she wanted to find out about Orianna, she just had to look here. She crossed over to the champion section. The champion section was organized alphabetically, but she nearly missed Orianna's file at first, it was so short. Lux clutched the file to her chest, feeling like she was doing something wrong, and crossed back to the table. She opened the file, and gasped, the page slipping from her fingers. The first page was an autopsy report for Orianna Reveck. The date of death was only two years ago (two years after my conscription whispered a voice in her head), and the cause of death was listed as "massive magical trauma to the stomach area, consistent with damage from an Institute of War turret." Lux could feel her mind mentally shelving away the information. Orianna was human once, and she died. I've never heard of any Institute battlefield being active without resurrection magic active, so it was presumably an attempt to recreate a field somewhere else. After she died, someone rebuilt her. Lux swallowed, feeling sick. She wondered if it hurt. She turned the page gingerly. The next pages were a description of Orianna's- the new Orianna's entry into the league. The descriptions were all unsympathetic. Inhuman...abomination pretending to be human...an empty shell shaped like a girl.   
Lux shut the file and pushed it away from her. Orianna had been kind to her, she was pretty sure. She had apologized. But at the same time, the League wasn't wrong. They should know what they were talking about. She wasn't used to the library making her feel worse, instead of better. 

Lux was returning to her room, to curl up with a mug of hot chocolate and her much annotated copy of Elements of Light and Refraction, when she saw Garen.   
"Luxanna!"   
She forced a smile and waved back. She wasn't ready to talk to anyone yet, but Garen came up the stairs anyways.   
"I saw you in the match today. I'm so proud of you!" He clapped her on the back, too hard and suddenly, but she managed to not cringe away.   
"There's an exhibition at the botanical gardens today. Do you want to go? I mean, the flowers are supposed to be..." he looked around. "Uh, colourful?"   
Lux smiled "I'm sorry, I'm just tired." it isn't a lie if she doesn't say she's tired from the match. "Maybe we can go tomorrow?"  
Garen smiled and ruffled her hair. Lux reminded herself that it was supposed to be kind, it wasn't meant to hurt.   
"That sounds good." 

Lux's apartments at the Institute were full but neat, every space filled with notes and books and magical paraphernalia. Champions who had a home away from the Institute had smaller rooms, but one of the advantages of not going home was having a larger space to herself. She changed put pf her armor, storing it carefully in the closet, and pulled on an oversized sweater and a pair of loose pants. She pulled put her newest notes and sat down at her desk, turning to fresh page. They were notes on Azir's turret reconstructions and sand soldiers. She could tell they were drawn from the same technique, but she still wasn't sure about the applications. She flipped to a fresh page, and began to write, until her eyes grew heavy.

"Mother, today at school they had a lady come into show us magic and she could make real magical constructs and-"  
"Luxanna, slow down. Remember your lessons. If you want us to listen, what do you have to do?  
"I have to talk slowly, and look you in the eye, and give you time to answer."  
"Good girl."  
Suddenly it's different, and her mother isn't her mother but all the commanders she's ever had "...why can't you work with the rest of the regiment? Why are you crying all the time?" Lux tries to look away, to hide herself in The Measured Tread, but the words kept bending and running away and she couldn't see them, and all the while every cruel comment was sinking into her skin and 

"Luxanna!" metallic hands gripped her face, forcing it up.  
"What?" She was at her desk, she must have fallen asleep there. Her eyes flicked up and, "Orianna? What are you doing in here?"  
"The Ball heard you screaming. Screaming is a bad thing. I was afraid you would not stop."   
Lux rubbed a hand over her face. "Thank you. I should go to bed." She turned away.  
"Would you like me to stay?"   
Lux swung around to look at Orianna. "What?"  
"When I still slept I had nightmares sometimes. Father would stay with me until I went to sleep. I did not have nightmares after that."  
Lux nodded. Suddenly, she didn't want to be alone. "Yes. Please."  
She went into her bedroom, and pulled back the sheets. Orianna stopped, unhooked the sharpened gears of her skirt, and laid them on the floor, before coming to sit on the bed.   
"Do not be afraid. If anyone tries to hurt you, I will make them stop."   
The last thing Lux saw before her eyes slipped closed was Orianna's profile, framed against the darkness in the room. 

In the morning, Lux woke up and she was alone. She wondered if she had just dreamt Orianna's visit, until she saw the note on her bedside table. Orianna's handwriting was spidery and cramped.   
Luxanna  
I left when morning came so no one would see. I hope I was able to help you not be afraid. I would like to talk with you again, if I could.   
Orianna Reveck  
Lux folded the note, and tucked it carefully into one of the envelopes she used to store her correspondence. Orianna was refreshingly straightforward, and she cared. Lux didn't see why everyone thought she was so horrifying. Unless... She barely noticed that her hands and risen from her sides, her fingers twining together over and over. Maybe she's like me. The idea made her move even faster. She had never met anyone else like that. She had thought there was no one else like her, that she was broken. She had to talk to Orianna again. Lux felt awake and alive now, her entire soul sparkling and effervescent like a prism or stained glass window. She would have to take Garen up on that offer to go to the botanical gardens. 

"See, Human and Yordle eyes can only pick up a certain rage of light. I mean, Yordles can see in lower light, but we basically pick up the same wavelengths. Anyways, some flowers reflect wavelengths we can't see, but that insects can, in order to attract those insects for pollination. So a flower that just looks white to us could be a completely different set of colours to insects."  
Garen nodded. "So it still counts as light, even though we can't see it?"  
"Yes! Theoretically we could shift it so we could see it, but there's the difficulty with ensuring we're seeing the correct colour, and not just changing the colour of the light it reflects."   
"Very interesting"  
Lux blushed. The botanical gardens weren't too crowded, the day was sunny and warm, and Garen was actually listening to her. It was a good day so far. They followed the narrow cobblestone paths through the garden, past tight, brightly coloured beds of flowers. There was a small shop anear the rxit, and Lux stopped. I should get something for Orianna, to say thank you.   
"Garen, hold on. I want to get something."   
The store sold cut flowers, but Lux turned away from those. They just made her think of graves and funerals and death. There were smaller, living plants in pots, though. Lux picked up one with thick round leaves and pick flowers with tightly layered petals.   
"How much for this one?"   
The shopkeeper grinned. "Well, it should be 45 I, but tell you what, I'll make it 35 if you let me say I'm the flower shop of choice for the Lady of Luminesence herself."  
Lux nodded, and slipped the money across the counter. The shopkeeper grinned at Garen. "And what about you, sir? Got anyone special you need to show some appreciation to?"  
Garen laughed, but Lux didn't think it was funny. The shopkeeper didn't know Garen, so she shouldn't be making jokes like that. She looked down at the plant in her hands. It was small, but alive and growing.

Lux knocked on Orianna's door. She had checked the League schedule, and Orianna wasn't in any matches right now, so she hoped Orianna would be there. As there was no answer, her stomach contracted painfully. Maybe this was a mistake. She was about to turn to leave, when the door opened.   
"Luxanna. Please come in." Orianna was standing in the door. Lux followed her into her room. It was one of the single rooms, but it seemed larger, because of the lack of a bed. The room was a mess, full of sheet music, old issues of the Journal of Justice, Institute Merchandise, and what looked like enough spare parts to build several extra limbs.   
"I brought you something." She handed Orianna the pot and a small booklet she'd pocked up on plant care. "To say thanks. For last night." she didn't know what to say, she'd never had to do anything like this. Each sentence had to be pieced together slowly, and it was painful. Orianna made an abrupt gear-ratcheting noise Lux supposed was a gasp, and grabbed the plant.   
"It is alive!" Orianna practically danced over to her windowsill, and swept a group of action figures to the floor. Lux winced as they clattered against the floor. Orianna placed the pot carefully, and stepped back, tilting her head to one side. The Ball extended its eyestalk and tilted with her.   
"It is good."  
Lux let out a sigh of relief. "I'm so glad you like it. I mean, I didn't know if you'd like plants but I was at the botanical gardens with Garen and I saw it and i realized I hadn't gotten you anything yet..." she realized she was babbling and trailed off. Orianna turned her head-just her head- around to look at Lux, and laughed. Her laugh was delicate, with no metal in it, and Lux smiled back. Orianna turned the rest pf her body around.  
"Are we friends now?"   
Lux nodded "I think we are."  
It was just a guess, but she thought that if Orianna could smile, they'd both be grinning like idiots.

Lux locked the door to her rooms, and burst into laughter, spinning around and hugging herself. Orianna was her friend. She had another friend. Lux collapsed onto one pf her chairs. Above her head, motes of dust danced in a beam of sunlight. She raised her head, and made them refract the light in delicate rainbows. She had to tell Garen. He'd be so proud. She leapt from her chair and ran to her desk. One of her notebooks was already there, waiting. He flipped to a new page, and grabbed a pen, madly writing the ideas that danced through her head. She knew, at the end of the surge, only a few ideas would actually be usable, but for now, she was riding on the sheer joy of writing. She barely noticed as the light changed, only idling flicking a hand to summon a floating globe of light. By the time she finally felt tired, it was dark outside. She was clearing up her writing supplies when she heard the knock at the door.   
"Shoot!" in her surprise, her light went out, and she had to grope for the light switch in the dark.   
"Sorry." she opened the door  
"Were you sleeping?" it was Orianna, and somehow that didn't surprise Lux. "I am sorry"  
"No, I wasn't. Is something wrong?"   
Orianna shakes her head. "No. I thought of something. I have two tickets to the ballet. I want you to come with me." she paused. "Please."   
Lux considered it. She'd have to look up the etiquette rules for ballet, but they couldn't be that much different from the rules for the theatre, and besides, she'd be going with a friend. "Yes, definitely"

Lux checked her hair in the mirror, trying and failing to suppress a small giggle of excitement. She could hardly wait to meet up with Orianna. She moved back to one of the seats in the lobby and sat down, crossing her legs to keep them from jiggling. The clock on the wall clearly showed the time to be 4:11. They were supposed to meet at 4:15, but Lux had shown up early. She wasn't sure how Orianna handled meeting times, whether she was habitually late or on time.   
"Luxanna?"  
She jumped "Garen?" Her brother was crossing the room towards her.   
"You're all dressed up. Are you going somewhere?"  
"I'm going to the Piltover ballet with Orianna. I was sure I told you, I've known about it for a week now"  
Garen smiled, and ran a hand through his hair. "Actually, you probably did. I just forgot." He frowned. "Orianna, she's... The clockwork girl, right? Corin Reveck's, uh, daughter?"  
Lux's stomach clenched. She hoped Garen wouldn't act like everybody else did. "Yes. She's really nice and interesting, and really easy to talk to."  
Garen grinned. "Good. I'm glad you have another friend."  
"Luxanna!" it was Orianna's voice this time. Lux turned around. Orianna was wearing a long white dress, and the ball had a matching white rosette attached to it, with ribbons dangling from it.   
"I am sorry if I am interrupting." She looked up at Garen. "Hello, Garen Crownguard. I am pleased to meet you."   
Garen shook her hand. "Well, have fun, you two. Don't stay out too late, Luxanna."   
Lux resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "I won't" Sometimes Garen acted like she was the six-year-old he'd left behind when he joined the army, and not practically an adult. As she and Orianna headed towards the teleportation pad, she felt cold, smooth fingers brush hers. Lux interlaced her fingers with Orianna's, and squeezed gently.   
"You are warm."   
Lux looked up at Orianna. "You can feel this?" She felt her face heat up at the words. If Orianna had said it was warm, than obviously she could.   
"Yes. It is pleasant." As the door of the teleportation chamber closed, Lux turned to face Orianna, and took Orianna's other hand in hers. She didn't say anything, just held her hands. Lux's heart was pounding, amd she pushed back an unbidden thought of what it would be like to step closer to Orianna and rest her head under the other girl's chin, against the smooth metal.   
"Luxanna? We have arrived."  
Lux released Orianna's hands, and needlessly patted her hair back into place. She thhought Orianna was standing closer to her as they left than before, but she was sure she was imagining it.   
"Luxanna? You are ticking faster."   
"Ticking?" Lux raised her hand to her throat, and felt her pulse beating there. "Oh. Yes."  
"Is that bad?" Orianna cocked her head to one side, like a bird  
Lux swallowed. "It- it can be, but it isn't right now"  
"Good."   
Lux reached out, and took Orianna's hand again. The touch was surprisingly grounding. Lux ran her fingers over the smooth metal of Orianna's joints, taking comfort in their smooth regularity.   
"Do you know about the ballet we are going to see?"   
Lux was about to say yes, she had researched it, when something made her stop. Sometimes when she had asked questions like that, she had wanted to talk about, and felt secretly cheated when whoever she was talking to said yes.   
"I only know a little," she lied. "I'm sure you know much more than me."  
Orianna's face was frozen and masklike, and Lux would have found its motions incomprehensible even if it wasn't, but even she couldn't miss the way the ball whizzed around Orianna in a few quick orbits before it settled back at her side.   
"We are going to see Isabela and Francois. One of the older ballets, it was written in 300 BLE by a composer in what would become Pliltover, although it is based on an Ionian legend." Orianna was talking faster now, her words occasionally catching and stalling as if she was going too fast for whatever mechanism produced her speech to keep up. Lux listened carefully. She had never really cared about ballet before, but with Orianna, she wanted to care. This was something Orianna cared about, enough that caring about it was like caring about her.   
"Thank you."  
Orianna swiveled to look at her. "What?"  
"For telling me all this. For wanting to share this with me."   
“Of course! It’s so interesting, you’d obviously want to know about it.”   
Lux laughed to herself. Secretly, she envied that confidence and straightforwardness. Once, the world had been that clear to her, but that was a long time ago. Being with Orianna was the most clear the world had been in a long time.   
“We’ve arrived.”   
Lux looked up. The theatre was elaborate, lit with cleverly concealed lights that cast a soft, sourceless radiance over the whole thing.   
“This is beautiful!”   
“It’s even better inside!”   
Lux was suddenly aware that they were talking loudly. People would start staring soon. Let them stare, a tiny rebellious part of her thought. At least this time, they’ll see me happy. She sighed.  
“Orianna, we should go inside. And we should talk more quietly.”  
Orianna tilted her head. “Why should we be quiet? I am afraid my volume controls are inadequate under emotional stresses” She sounded quieter now, anyways.  
“People will stare if we talk too loudly.”   
“Then they will look at us and see we are happy.” Lux stopped in surprise at hearing her thoughts echoed like that. “I know people stare at me. I know this will always happen. If they have to stare, they can stare because I am a champion or because I am happy, instead of because they think I am wrong.”   
Lux stared after Orianna. She has always assumed that Orianna didn’t notice, but if she didn’t care, then maybe there was hope for her, too. 

Later, Lux would realize that she barely remembered the ballet. The story was wrapped in too many oblique layers of reference for her to understand it. She saw it as a contextless procession of admittedly very beautiful and competent images. Orianna stayed perfectly still for the entire ballet, her attention focused laser-like on the stage. Lux glanced over at her. In the soft light of the theatre, she could almost have been human. Lux thought maybe most people would like it, but she felt strange about it. She squeezed Orianna’s hand, to remind herself of Orianna’s reality, of delicate, warm metal.

**Author's Note:**

> THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A ONE SHOT FML


End file.
